Grandparents throw big barbecue for family and friends, grandson's girlfriend refuses to attend after they ask her to be the family photographer for free: 'I specifically booked that weekend off'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Jun 26, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Alongside talent comes responsibility, but how do you know when you're being taken advantage of?

Picture this: Your boyfriend's grandparents are hosting a huge barbecue for all their family and friends, and yes babe…you finally cracked an invite! I guess things must be getting serious between the two of you! 

Keep in mind you're an extremely talented photographer. The barbecue is slowly approaching and your excitement and nerves are growing simultaneously. That is at least until your boyfriend's mom asks you to be the photographer for the day, and not the casual, 'little iPhone snapshot' kind of photographer, but the bring all your professional equipment, with a bonus of no payment on the side, type of photographer!

and suddenly…Poofff, there goes your idea of the perfect day getting warm and cozy with your boyfriend's family and making an impression that could secure you a spot in the family. 

Here's the issue. Sometimes we think, would it be better to keep our talents hidden, because there always seem to be people who love to take advantage. Although maybe it's not the talents we should be distancing ourselves from, maybe it's the people draining our cups in order to fill their own. 

And this cup seems to be in overflow…

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  • It is always overwhelming trying to find your place in a new family. There are varying personalities, characters, viewpoints and most importantly, differentiating dealbreakers for newbees trying to secure an upgraded position as ‘potential family member’. It's normal to want to impress your significant other's siblings, parents and grandparents (agh let's just be honest here, we'd love for their cousin's niece's uncle's dog to like us if they could…)

    But there needs to be boundaries of just how far we are willing to go to impress them. It is so important to still feel a strong sense of self-worth and appreciation when forming relationships with people, the minute that is compromised, it may be time to reassess the situation. This may just be the case for the talented photographer below, stuck in the same situation; it's time for her to decide if it's worth giving so much of her time and effort for less in return.

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    "It's for family, I wouldn't pay you because I thought you'd just do it to be nice"
    via halfpoint

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA For Not Agreeing to Work at a Family Event

    I (25f) work two jobs, one being a business I own and have built from the ground up for the last year and a half. My partners parents recently invited me to a barbecue with some of his family
    via boba_boba2000
  • 03
    that his grandparents are hosting, friends of his grandparents are also going to be there. I was really excited to go to this as his grandparents are really sweet and we
    via boba_boba2000
  • 04
    get on well. So I made sure I specifically booked that weekend off of both jobs to ensure I could go. I stayed round my partners recently and his mum said she had offered my
    via boba_boba2000
  • 05
    services to his grandparents on the day of the barbecue. It was more like she assumed I'd be okay with it as I'd not been asked if I was able to do it and there was no mention of payment.
    via boba_boba2000
  • 06
    I'd have to get public transport the morning of the barbecue (2hrs) with all of my equipment, perform the services at the barbecue, then take everything home
    via boba_boba2000
  • 07
    and there would be more to be done once home that could take a few days. So that's 4hrs travel, with expected products and services, and is likely not be
    via boba_boba2000
  • 08
    able to actually enjoy the barbecue as I'd be working. But it would all be unpaid. I mentioned to my partner that I've got reservations about doing this, but I'm
    via boba_boba2000
  • 09
    worried in TA because it'll cause arguments between us or between myself and his family AITA for not wanting to mix business with barbecue?
    via boba_boba2000
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    Cheezburger Image 10521955072
    via gettysignature

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 11
    Edit 1 I thought my partner was on my side but after comments such as "it's just a few photos" and a plethora of excuses on his part, I told him I'd not be going to
    via boba_boba2000
  • 12
    the barbecue, and if it is "just a few photos" then he can take them on his phone (iPhone 11) as he claims it's not important.
    via boba_boba2000
  • 13
    I told him he either needed to ask questions to understand why it's important from a business perspective or to just deal with it because he sent me a
    via boba_boba2000
  • 14
    message saying "It's not even that much of an ask. it's just taking a few photos and I thought it would just be a favor but if your thinking about how your just
    via boba_boba2000
  • 15
    affected by loosing out on money when it's not even a work day, it's for family, ngl I wouldn't pay you cause I thought you'd just do it to be nice. dw about it
    via boba_boba2000
  • 16
    cause it just seems like you'd want to be paid for it. I get that it would be long to sort out like you wouldn't even have to edit a lot them. it was just for my grandad but it's chill if it's too much"
    via boba_boba2000
  • 17
    So I said I'd speak to him when he's being more reasonable as it felt like a major guilt trip and I'm not here for it.
    via boba_boba2000
  • 18
    NYCStoryteller NTA. Tell him you're not bringing your expensive equipment to a family barbecue. You thought you were being invited as a way to grow your relationship with his family and to get to know people, not to be an event photographer. I would
    via NYCStoryteller
  • 19
    tell him that I'd be happy to take some candid snaps on my phone and do some minor photo editing, but that the point of going would just be to spend time with him and get to know them, and he shouldn't have offered anything more than that.
    via NYCStoryteller
  • 20
    boba_boba2000 OP I decided to do the math to see how much I'd spent on the equipment that I'd be required to bring and it was £1650. That's the camera, lenses, camera bag, SD cards and reader, batteries, laptop, iPad, laptop bag etc. bearing in mind I got most of this refurbished or secondhand.
    via boba_boba2000
  • 21
    Fun_Ideal_5584 Sure, let me take a few pictures with your IPHONE.
    via Fun_Ideal_5584
  • 22
    Street_State_4447 Do not let her get away with volunteering your time. This is how it starts, OP.
    via Street_State_4447
  • 23
    Dana07620 Tell your partner to explain to his mom that you won't be doing that. His family. His problem to solve.
    via Dana07620
  • 24
    Ok_Play2364 If you do this, I guarantee other relatives will ask for free photo shoots. Baby pictures, graduation, everyone will want free stuff
    via Ok_Play2364

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barbecue relationship advice family drama drama askreddit reddit story lunch Photo family grandparents dating entitled people couple photographer
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